Failure

Fail·ure
/ˈfeɪlyər/ Show Spelled [feyl-yer]

noun

1. an act or instance of failing or proving unsuccessful; lack of success: His effort ended in failure. 

2. nonperformance of something due, required, or expected: a failure to do what one has promised; a failure to appear.

Relationships, parenting, finances, employment, housekeeping.  Yup, that about covers it.

Nothing Less Than Loved

Just about 20 years ago, my mom took her mom on a trip to the Midwest.  Grandma wanted to visit family and Missouri.  Mom and Grandma had a great relationship and so, despite not being much of a road-tripper, Mom took her on this adventure.. 


Not too long after they returned, Mom wasn't feeling well.  She had some discomfort in her abdomen, which persisted and eventually propelled her to see her doctor.  Gall bladder trouble was the diagnosis and it needed to be removed.  Once in surgery, however, a very different diagnosis became apparent:  Mom had hepatoma, primary cancer of the liver.  There are only two ways to have gotten it - alcohol or blood transfusion.  Since Mom wasn't a drinker, they figured she contracted it when she had a hysterectomy some 25 years earlier.  The doctor said it was inoperable and untreatable.  Basically, she was sent home to die.  She was given 6 months; she lasted 5 1/2.  She was only 51.


My mom was my supporter, encourager, teacher, mediator, and friend.  She was there for me when I couldn't balance my checkbook (again), when I had a cooking question, when I needed help moving, when I learned I was pregnant (and when I miscarried), when I asked for advice (and when I didn't!), when I went through my first divorce, bought my first house on my own, and so much more.  I learned from her, laughed with her, leaned on her, and loved her.  To say I miss her is an understatement.  No, she was not perfect - no mom is.  I'm sure there were days I didn't like her, and no doubt plenty of days I didn't score points with her!  But I have no recollection of her making me feel anything less than loved.


How I wistfully wish I could celebrate this day with her.  How I wish I could ask her about being a better mom, or just say "Thank you!" for her being such a great one.  I hope she knew how I loved, respected and admired her.   For those of you who still have your moms, most particularly those with good relationships, savor and treasure your time with them.  Consider yourselves tremendously blessed to have access to them - to be able to hear their voice, their laugh, see their smile and sparkly eyes. 


Nearly 20 years...  How much you've missed.  How much I've missed you. 


In loving memory to my mom, Peggy.