Other people making decisions for me has always been a pet peeve of mine.
I didn’t invite you because I figured you were busy.
I didn’t ask you to join us because I was afraid you didn’t have the money to go.
I didn’t let you know about an opportunity because you were out of town.
I wasn’t.
I did.
Ever heard of emailing a resume and phone interviews?
Okay, so here’s the scoop. Something I learned about a week ago has attached itself to my brain and won’t let go. It’s a done deal and I can’t do a darned thing about it but there are underlying issues that are poking at me relentlessly. I have been engaged in some crazy mental conversation that is getting me nowhere except bummed.
It was a job opportunity. A missed job opportunity. A great job, at the school, up the road from home, near my kids. Ideal. I’ve wanted that job for the past five years! I wouldn’t have gotten it; the person hired is the bomb. Young, innovative, savvy, efficient. She’ll be a great asset and I know it’s a good fit. So why am I so consumed with the situation?
Two things, I think, are my bother. One, I’m disappointed I’m not better qualified for such a job. Being out of this sort of position for the past 7 years hasn’t benefited me here. I was good at something - once - but not so much anymore. My office skills are stale and antiquated. I haven’t kept up. I’ve been busy trying to keep up with my two charges instead. Since, like most parents, I feel I miss the mark, I tend to question what I am good at doing. I do know I am capable of more than cleaning toilets. I am.
The second issue for me is that no one even bothered to let me know. I may be WAY out of line here, I realize that. I’m speculating, which is often dangerous. But this evil little voice is pestering me that this is how it went: Person A had a pretty good idea I would give my right arm for this job. Person B told Person A not to let me know about it, because Person B already knew who they wanted in the position. If I should ask, say I wasn't here anyway. Person B gets what Person B wants. Again.
I feel like I was deliberately kept in the dark. No one had the right to deny me this opportunity. I had just as much right to apply as the next person. If I should ever find out that Person A made a conscious decision to withhold this information, I’m going to be very hurt.
