Priceless

I've been looking for a bike for my son, Benjamin.  He has a 2-wheeler (okay, 4-wheeler, if you count the training wheels) at his dad's house but I want him to have one at our house.  I'd posted a sign at our post office; that's how we do it here in Big Creek.  You post a sign for all to see, whether you have something to sell or are in need of something.  I had a few people say they might have one available but nothing had materialized yet.  Next option:  Craigslist.  I've found some good stuff there, and lo! and behold! I found a bike - perfect size and more-than-fair price.  Cool!

Since I found the bike this past week, however, I haven't had any other reason to go to town.  You see, when you live in the mountains and have to travel an hour and a quarter, at best, to  town for errands and shopping, you tend to wait until you can make the trip worthwhile, both from a time and cost perspective.  I'd hoped my sister, who lives in town, might be able to make the bike buy for me; after all, what might take her 30 minutes would take me nearly 3 hours just in drive time.  But her family is usually running several different directions at any given time and she didn't have the opportunity to help me this week.  So, I decided a bike for Ben was worth the trip.

We left the house a little after 10 this morning, heading straight to Target for helmet, training wheels and extra inner tubes.  I scored on all of those and tried to quickly get through the store (namely, the Toy section) without creating an hysterical scene since I had both Benjamin and Elizabeth with me.  Next, we hit Costco for yet more milk (how can they consume so much milk?!) and a few other items (again, gotta make the trip worth it), had Costco polish dogs for lunch, which neither child really ate much of, then went to the O'Keefe's home to buy the new (used) bike.  I should have known I was in trouble when I excitedly showed the bike to Benjamin, and he immediately wailed he didn't want "small tires."  I hurriedly shoved the bike in the back of my Montero, not wanting Mr. O'Keefe to hear my child complain about the bike I'd just bought from him.  I realized shortly thereafter Ben was referring to the training wheels, not the wheels already on the bike.

We drove home - another 1 1/4 hours - and I promptly got to work changing the flat tire.  It's been YEARS since I had to do that and although I consider myself fairly handy, quite frankly, I quickly learned bike repair is not my forte.  I eventually had to enlist the aid of the neighbor teen, Joey, to show me why the chain wouldn't stay on.  Now I know.  

Ben insisted he could ride the bike without the training wheels.  Yeah, right.  After pushing him around (and letting go for a second or two a few times!), he was finally convinced he did indeed need those 2 extra small tires.  I should have timed how long it took to put the training wheels on, because I was using the worst instructions ever.  The diagram was essentially worthless.  Success finally came, only to take it back out to the road and have the chain come off - again.  Argh.  The only good thing about all this is I did get some great pics of my favorite little man on his new bike.  So, after fixing the chain for the umpteenth time and 7 hours after we started this adventure, all he wants to do is play with the Hot Wheels car that came with his helmet...

Now I think I understand why my dad used to call me an ingrate when I was a child.  Children simply do not understand what their parents go through for them.  No, I didn't call Ben an ingrate.  He's worth more than that.

A Glance Back

This past weekend I had the joy of seeing faces I'd not seen in a while.  Unfortunately, it was also a time of bittersweet encounters, as many were unaware of what has been taking place in our family over the past 5 months.  I want to take this opportunity to provide a synoptic glance back to March 13.

It's really rather simple.  Are you familiar with the contentious woman in Proverbs 21:19?  If not, let me share with you:  It is better to live in a desert land than with a contentious and vexing woman. 

I was that woman.  I was progressively disrespectful to my husband.  He had enough one night (March 13) and left for the desert.  He never came back.   I was told to find another place to live so the kids and I moved to another home in Big Creek on May 1.  I very much wanted to stay in this community for several reasons:  I have hoped for reconciliation, the kids continue to be near their dad, it's still a wonderful place to raise the kids, and when I return to work, I hope to return to work at SCE.

 We saw a counselor - separately.  I have confessed my sins, both to my husband and God, and asked for forgiveness.  I received it from the latter but not the former.  My husband believes I am responsible for putting our family in this position. 

That, really, is it in a nutshell, at least from my perspective.  I will say this is a most painful growing season and never, EVER what I wanted - for my marriage or my children.   Many people know I have a strong, independent personality.  Through counseling and hindsight, I could see I tried to bully my passive husband to be stronger and take a stand as the leader of our household.  Clearly and undeniably, my tactics were wrong, un-Biblical, and painful attacks on my husband's ego.  Two things grieve me to no end:  one, that I could wound so deeply the man I love and two, the stand he finally has taken is for the dissolution of our marriage.

I believe God is still sovereign and still on the throne.  I believe He is still in the business of miracles.  I believe He has forgiven me.  I believe He is the eternal lover of my soul.  I believe He will continue to provide, care for, guide, love, and protect me and my children.  I'm counting on it. 

A Promise He Will Keep

A quiet Friday morning.  No concrete plans for the day - always options, however.  As I've mentioned before, productivity is my preference to taking a day off so I'm certain I will find some project to invest my time in. 

So far this morning, Charley and I took a stroll up the Beaver Slide.  I have no idea why it's called that; I should investigate.  I'll get back to you on that!   We walked the same road last night, just preceding dusk.  The outline of the barely-lit mountains against the sky was beautiful, affording many photo ops - unfortunately, I hadn't thought to bring my camera.  Although I did tuck it in my back pocket this morning, the lighting was already too bright, dulling the rich colors of the pines and forest foliage.  Tonight, hopefully, we'll go back out and perhaps I'll be able to share some of God's beauty around Big Creek.

Someone posed the following question to me this morning:  Are you happy?  Wow.  That's a toughy.  Certainly, I have much to be grateful for and happy about - I have the 2 most beautiful children in the world, God has met my needs well beyond the basics, I have an abundance of friends, I live in a safe, peaceful community, I have generally good health... well, as you can see, the list goes on!  There are aspects of my current season that are not what I either expected or wanted - those disappointments could cause me unhappiness.  But that is temporal.  I do not yet have a full grasp of what an eternal perspective consists of, but whatever happens here, will stay here.  On the day the Lord calls us home, "He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." (Revelation 21:4 NIV)  What a sweet promise!  

My Cheek, My Shirt

 As the "natural man" in me surfaces - a sinner from birth - I naturally turn to sarcasm as a defense mechanism.  I've been hurt, betrayed, rejected, and abandoned - probably much like any other individual.  So, I'm not that different than you, or more special.

My sarcasm has, understandably, gotten me into some unpleasant circumstances.  I don't mean to be mean but I have nurtured a habit of letting my hurt come out in hurtful words.  I did it again to my estranged husband the other night... as he was doing me a favor.  Yeah, not good on my part, to say the very least.   He brought over some personal possessions of mine and after realizing something had not been included, I asked about it.  He advised me he would be keeping it.  Hmm.  I thought I wanted it until I realized it really is not worth arguing over.  I have absolutely no desire for it anymore. 

As he has let fly his own angry feelings toward me these past few days, I can't help but wonder how he feels as the venom spills forth from his lips.  This is NOT the man I married!  I have confessed my wrongdoing - the disrespectful, hurtful and ugly words I have spoken to him.  One thing I can say is my dispicable behavior felt dispicable.  I was ashamed, ridden with guilt, appalled at hurting my own husband - yes, I knew I hurt him.  I just did not realize how badly.  I really didn't know. 

In looking for truth, the ugly truth of who I am and why I have allowed the things I've done to be done, I have repeatedly read, heard, and been told - I have to take responsibility; I have to "own my own stuff."  No one made me do anything; I chose my own responses.  It is a disgusting thing to know about yourself and so there is a part of me that wonders if I am being given a dose of what I doled out.  You know, "what goes around, comes around," "turnabout is fair play," "all is fair in love and war."  But even if it is, darn it, I cannot help but think that as I have to be responsible for my words and actions, so does he.  And to date, he has not been willing to do that. 

And so, although I have been a fighter, a fighter who forced a hand I never intended to, the following comes to mind, and I will humbly bow out of the fight.  I can never say "I'm sorry" enough.

Whoever hits you on the cheek, offer him the other also ; and whoever takes away your coat, do not withhold your shirt from him either.  Luke 6:29

Lover of My Soul

My daughter just handed me a tissue because I am sad and crying.  More rejection and hardness of heart from my husband.  Do you know how disheartening it is to pursue someone who doesn't want to be pursued?  I bet God does.  I cannot possibly be as enduring, as patient, as compassionate, understanding, and loving as He is.  Yet, HE IS - all that and more.  He suffered the ultimate rejection - crucifixion on a cross, hanging between two thieves, put there by His chosen people.  I have no place wallowing in my misery... He died so I might have life.  Life to the fullest (The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.  John 10:10 NIV).  And so, despite my circumstances, despite repeated rejection from the man who once said, "...for better or worse...I do", I will... live to the fullest the Lover of my soul will allow.

Sharing the Love

We are all familiar with the perspective of your glass either being 'half full' or 'half empty.'  It tends to color our view of life in general.  I would like to think I am a half full person but in all honesty, I think I lean toward the half empty side.  I regard it more as realism rather than pessimism, although there are certainly times my vision is clouded with a downright gloomy outlook!

Conversely, there are those who appear eternally "peppy."  I intend this in the most positive way - they are vibrant, enthusiastic, spirited and, simply, happy.  For those of us who fall in the less-than-peppy category, they can be a little annoying... like a high school cheerleader on Mountain Dew.  Except when it's genuine; then they are a delight! 

I have known such people and I know one now.  She is a friend and a neighbor, a sister in the Lord.  I don't believe I have ever seen her without a smile on her face; not a fake smile she wears as a mask but a real, sincere, friendly smile.  She can be absolutely silly - you simply have to laugh!  It's refreshing and I am blessed to know her. 

Do you know someone like that?  Are you someone like that?  God bless you!  You make this time on earth a little more tolerable, and your zest for living - living for Jesus - is something to not just admire but emulate.  Know that you spread the love and joy of Jesus merely by being you.  And we thank you.

Sticks and Stones... and James

Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me.  Where on earth did this come from?  What a lie!  Clearly, the originator of that saying was not familiar with the book of James, particularly chapter 3.  Words can cause irreparable  damage.  Ask me... I know.

James tells us in chapter 3:5-10:

So also the tongue is a small part of the body, and yet it boasts of great things. See how great a forest is set aflame by such a small fire!  And the tongue is a fire, the very world of iniquity ; the tongue is set among our members as that which defiles the entire body, and sets on fire the course of our life, and is set on fire by hell.  For every species of beasts and birds, of reptiles and creatures of the sea, is tamed and has been tamed by the human race.  But no one can tame the tongue ; it is a restless evil and full of deadly poison.  With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in the likeness of God ;  from the same mouth come both blessing and cursing.

James was the first and my favorite book of the Bible I ever read and studied.  Its truth is simple, straightforward teaching.  Unfortunately, I appear to be a slow learner.  I know what that book holds;  I know the clear instructions it sets forth.  And yet, I have been unable to bridle my tongue.  Why is this?  Why do I struggle so to hold my tongue, particularly in times of tense confrontation?  James also instructs "everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger; for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God." (1:19b-20)  I know it and yet do not do it.  Why? Ah, shall we journey to the book of Romans, chapter 7 (verses 15-24)?

For what I am doing, I do not understand; for I am not practicing what I would like to do, but I am doing the very thing I hate. But if I do the very thing I do not want to do, I agree with the Law, confessing that the Law is good.  So now, no longer am I the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me.  For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh; for the willing is present in me, but the doing of the good is not. For the good that I want, I do not do, but I practice the very evil that I do not want. But if I am doing the very thing I do not want, I am no longer the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me. I find then the principle that evil is present in me, the one who wants to do good. For I joyfully concur with the law of God in the inner man, but I see a different law in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin which is in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will set me free from the body of this death?

There are many days I feel absolutely wretched and am fully aware of the war waging inside me, as did Paul when he expressed his angst in Romans.  At least I am in good company, although I would never be so bold as to compare myself with a man like Paul.  It does appear, however, we have something in common:  our sin nature remains an issue and a challenge to overcome for all days. 

Oh! how I wish I could retract words spoken in haste... words spoken from feelings of fear, defensiveness, rejection, and hurt.  Words spoken to someone who has no room in his heart for forgiveness or mercy.  This man cannot set me free, but I know someone who can.  His name is Jesus.  I call on Him this day, this hour, this moment... be my Victory, for the battle does indeed belong to the Lord.

Think About Such Things

I woke this morning to the sickening residue of bad dreams - feelings of loss, betrayal, disappointment caused by my estranged husband's actions in these dreams.  I hesitate mentioning 'feelings;' many people don't give them much credence since feelings tend to vacillate so. But God gave them to us; they are real and are real indicators of circumstances we are facing, despite how brief or lasting they may be.

His actions occurred, to the best of my knowledge, solely in the dreams.  Whether there is any truth to their reality, I'm unaware.  Thankfully, as I sat in my front sunroom, looking out at the mountains across the way and nursing my wounded feelings with my first cup of coffee (strong and black, thank you!), my mind was redirected from these unpleasantries to a passage of scripture, Philippians 4:6-8: 

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things.

There is comfort in scripture because I can count on its truth.  It does not lie, it does not deceive, it does not confuse, distort or change.  God's word is what is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent and praiseworthy.  His word led me to pray - pray for my husband.  Not always an easy assignment, given our separation; however, I know He hears my pleas and He will answer in His way and His time.  Until then, I ask for the peace God offers.

Simplicity

Routine - some people steer clear and others, like me, relish it!  Routine helps me stay on track, much like boundaries.  I enjoy developing a system and refining it.  I confess I am not terribly spontaneous.  I have actually planned spontaneous moments!  Yeah, I don't do spontaneous very well but give me a routine and I can shine!

One routine my kids and I enjoy is a nightly after-dinner walk with our puppy, Charley.  It's good for all of us; it helps Ben and Elizabeth burn off a last bit of energy before bedtime, does the same for Charley and for me?  Well, it simply gets this self-proclaimed hermit out of the house. 

The street we live on is not very long, maybe half a mile.  It's hilly; after all, we do live in the mountains!  (I jokingly say the only flat spot is from the kitchen to the bathroom!)  At the end of our street is a heliport used primarily by the SoCal Edison helicopter for business purposes but also for emergency situations, to airlift medical trauma patients to valley hospitals. 

We usually take our evening stroll out to the heliport about 7 o'clock, the sun just beginning to dip below the silhouette of the mountain ranges in the distance.  Tonight, like most nights, there was a cloudless blue sky as far as the eye could see.  Much later tonight, that beautiful blue will give way to a blackened night, thoroughly glistening with stars.  It's breathtakingly stunning.  While out near the heliport, however, as day yields to dusk, there is an ever-so-slight breeze, just this side of cool - not enough to make you shiver but a refreshing whisper across bare arms. 

Aside from the noisy antics of my children, it is virtually silent... and so serene.  Simply serene.  It only lasts for a moment but oh! what a moment!  It is for these moments that I choose to live in Big Creek.  Away from the complicated chaos and cacophony of the city.  Away from the rude indifference of strangers.  Away from the illusion of normalcy marred by oppressive heat, worldly temptations, and distorted truths.  Living here is simple... something I have sought for years.  Life is complicated enough; I'll take the simplicity of this life in Big Creek.

What's the point?

Since I've just recently started this blog, there have only been a handful of readers and comments, the majority of which were sent via email or through Facebook - not even on the blog!  I've received kudos (thank you!) and questions alike, such as 'why are you doing this?!'  It's a legitimate question.  One comment described it as "a personal way to be impersonal OR an impersonal way to be personal."  Yes, I guess to some degree that is true.  I prefer to think of it this way:  Have you never read or heard something, whether in a book, a magazine, on-line article, a devotion, a speech, sermon, etc., that touched you?  challenged you?  inspired you?  resonated with you?  I have.  I have read things that led me to wonder if the author had been silently and invisibly watching my life and decided to write about me - it seemed that close to home.  I have read things that made me shout, "YES!  That's exactly what I think or feel, too!  Somebody gets me!"  Isn't it reassuring to know others see what you see, feel what you feel, think what you think?  Isn't it comforting to know you are not alone?

My goal is to not only "get some things off my chest" as a means of dealing with my own life's challenges, but hopefully to also offer worthwhile insight, understanding, and hope to others who may be facing similar situations.  We can learn from each other.  We are meant to be in fellowship with others, not isolated and alone trying to muddle through life independent of one another.  I was taught to take care of myself and, frankly, I can.  But doing so cuts me off from valuable people and experiences, creates an attitude of self-centered absorption, and leaves little room for growth, friendship, learning, maturity - many things the Lord God desires for His children.  I have been independent of God, following Sinatra's mantra "I did it my way" to the unpleasant tune of disaster!  The Lord tells me in Matthew, 11:28-30:  "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."  His way, not my way, will provide rest, learning, and ease of burden.

The point is this:  I have been blessed more times than I can count by the words of another, by friends and strangers alike who have struggled as I struggle.  I have found hope, encouragement, loving reprimand, and truth in the words of someone who took the time to share.  Yes, this blog is an indulgent exercise in cathartic self-expression... as well as a means of sharing with others.  I hope you receive some benefit from time to time.

Back to Normal

Ben and Elizabeth were at their dad's house this weekend.  It's usually an odd time for me; I so very much need a break from the 24/7 demands of two little ones... but then feel guilty for desiring such alone time.  After all, when you become a parent, you essentially forfeit the rights to privacy, quiet, solitude, and self.  I didn't know that before they came along... did you know that before your first child?  Anyway, unless I fill my time with projects, I tend to wander aimlessly and fritter my time away without my children directing me here and there.

As a separated parent, I also have to forfeit special events with my kids.  After a week of VBS (Vacation Bible School), I chose not to go to the final event Friday evening, a potluck BBQ where all could enjoy fellowship together and give their best attempt at the Bible Boot Camp obstacle course.  I sat at home instead and hoped my kids and their dad were having a good time.  Yes, he took them and for that willingness on his part, I am grateful.

Saturday there were not one, but two, children's birthday parties to attend.  I bowed out of those, too.  Some may wonder why but the answer is simple:  It was my husband's time with his children and I believed it best to give them that.  Again, he took them to the parties and they were still able to participate and have fun... without Mom.  It is difficult missing out on family time but then, our family has been redefined. 

Although attending church solo this morning was admittedly less stressful (almost 4 and 2+ year olds don't sit still well), I'd rather have had them there.  I want them to hear about Jesus, whether their little minds fully comprehend or not.  I want them to know Him, His grace, mercy, love, compassion, and will for their lives.  I know it is sinking in; the other day I caught Ben and Elizabeth holding hands at the table.  I figured they were playing around, as they often do.  Nope.  They were holding hands to pray.  Holding hands to pray.  My almost 4 and 2+ year old, praying.  Ben prayed, as only a child could, "Dear Jesus, thank you for this lovely day.  Thank you for Mrs. Carroll coming to help us.   Amen."  It made my heart leap with joy. 

But they are home now and things seem more "normal."  I use that word loosely - what, after all, is normal?  I guess it is what we make it and it will vary tremendously depending on who you are asking.  They are bickering... they are playing... they are chasing each other through the house... they have already backtalked, sassed, argued with me and told me 'no.'  They have whined for their dad and given me "the look."  Then Elizabeth trudges down the stairs just now, asking me to "open her bowl, please," and "thank you" when I do.  She tells me, "I am happy to be in your house."  I say, "I love you," and she says, "I love you" back to me.  Yes, things are back to normal.

A Second Coat

I like projects.  More so, I like completing projects.  I didn't always - complete them, that is.  If a project took too long and I grew weary of it I would set it aside... often for another project!  These days, I'm more apt to start something I know I can and will finish.

I like projects because they afford a sense of accomplishment.  They offer not only a tangible result but, for me, they also offer an escape from the sometimes-harsh realities of life.  Some folks like to escape into reading a good book of fiction, others turn to alcohol, drugs or some other unsavory vice.  I prefer to "build" instead of tear down.  Even if it is transitory, there is something worthwhile about using my time, my hands, my head to be creative and productive.

Like now... words of rejection have left me feeling humbled and discouraged.  How will I handle this rebuff?  I'm off to put a second coat of paint on the living room walls. 

A Strange Sort of Freedom

Being newly separated can play tricks on my mind.  There is an uncomfortable and uncertain grey area with no distinct boundaries.  Personally, I like boundaries; they help keep me in line.  That's not to stay I don't occasionally dip a toe or two onto the other side but generally speaking, I like to know where I stand and what is coming next.

Well, in this current state of separation, that simply is not possible - things seem pretty unstable.  Since mid-March when my husband left and as these short yet enduring 4+ months have passed, I have wondered to what degree my obligations, inquiries, and actions should involve him.  He IS still my husband at this time -- to what degree do I remain his wife?  Having children certainly complicates situations, as their dad and I will be required to remain in contact and cooperation for many years to come - whether we want to or not.  It's tough knowing (or at the very least suspecting) how he feels toward me.  It's difficult trying to love someone who doesn't love you back.

Take, for example, this weekend.  Ben and Elizabeth are with their dad and there are community events they will be attending - Vacation Bible School  (VBS) during the day and evening potluck and 2 birthday parties.  I've been a part of the former and invited to the latter.  Do I go?  How (un)comfortable will it be for either of us?  Potential...  Might it be confusing for the kids?  Possible...  Will our actions and words be on display for others to observe, form opinions, speculate?  Probable... 

I've always been overly concerned and sensitive to what others might think about me and that has developed great insecurities.  Many perceive me to be strong, independent and sure... if they only knew!  My insecurity has led me to build up defensive walls for protection; although I do indeed treasure some privacy and space, those walls have created the label "unapproachable" in the eyes of some.  Ouch.

I didn't understand this until recently.  So, now I am trying to learn to be 'vulnerable' to those around me.  Yikes!  Do you know the definition of vulnerable?!  dictionary.com defines it as "capable of or susceptible to being wounded or hurt, as by a weapon" and "open to moral attack, criticism, temptation."  Hmm, yeah, let's jump right into that!  I mean, come on!  Who welcomes being wounded, attacked or criticized?  Not me... but I also know growth can and mostly likely will be painful... and necessary.  I'm a big girl now; I need to act like one. 

So, here I am on this Friday morning with a strange sort of freedom.  It's just me... and my dog, Charley.  I can do whatever I want or do nothing at all.  Ambiguity.  Foreign.  At times, paralyzing... what do I do?  Where do I start?  Other times, respite.  Ahhhhh.  I'm going for "ah"!

Why not on a Thursday?

Most folks think they need to wait until Monday to start something new... why is that?  I'm usually a middle-of-the-road conformist; I don't like bucking the system too much.  Today, however, I am.  I'm starting something new - this blog - on a Thursday.  Living life on the wild side, aren't I?! 

I can't make any promises about this blog meeting anyone's needs but my own.  Sounds pretty selfish, I confess.  I've long wanted to write and every once in a while, I believe some things are worth sharing.  You may disagree and that is certainly your prerogative.  Just try to be kind and constructive if you, too, have something to say.

So, here is a little bit about me...

Right off the bat, I want you to know I'm a believer and follower of Jesus Christ.  My posts will certainly be peppered with scripture, questions, thoughts, ideas and references that include Him. 

Second, I confess I am not a perfect Christian... which is why my husband recently left me and our 2 young children.  He has some very legitimate complaints and sadly for us all, has closed his heart to forgiveness and reconciliation... at this time.  I know my God is big and still in the business of miracles and, so, I continue to have hope.  My blog will have much to say about this season of my life.

Third, as I mentioned above, I have 2 young children, Benjamin (almost 4) and Elizabeth (2+).  They are a constant source of joy and frustration.  Can anyone relate?!  Both are adopted and came to us as infants.  Without a doubt - they are gifts from God.  There are many days I cannot believe He entrusted them to me (us).  But He did.  See?  Will wonders never cease?!  Not as long as He is on the throne! 

For nearly 2 years now, I have been a SAHM.  By far, this has been the most difficult job I've ever had.  As time goes on, I will elaborate and share my challenges and triumphs.  They are what make up most of my day!

A little taste of the community we live in - Big Creek, California.  After all, Big Creek is the main part of my blog title.  It's a unique, tiny, mountain community nestled at approximately 4960' elevation in the Sierra Nevadas between two more well-known areas - Shaver Lake and Huntington Lake.  It's remote, to say the least, taking almost an hour and a half to reach the big town of Clovis, CA.   We have a General Store, a Post Office, US Forest Service offices, and the big employer of the community, Southern California Edison hydroelectric power plants.  Population:  unknown!  There isn't even a number on the sign, but I'd guess somewhere around 200+ folk. 

I love it here - the skies are almost always blue (except when there is a fire), the air is clean (although pollen floats liberally during its season), and it's a safe place for children.   Everything is within walking distance and it's small enough you can actually know your neighbors - almost a thing of the past. 

That isn't everything but it's a start.  You'll learn more, as will I, as time moves on.  We can learn together.  I hope you'll come back for more... of my life in Big Creek.