Always

Once again, God is showing His sufficiency.  When a letdown occurs, the deep sadness isn't as deep and doesn't linger quite as long, the despondency is more brief, and the hope returns sooner.  I took a short journey away from remembering He is the Lover of my soul; I have returned.  Always, He is faithful.  Always, with Him, there is hope.

How Do You Say...

Okay, so here's the scoop:  I met someone. I like him.  I'd like to know him better.  He's intelligent, we share some common interests, he intrigues me, he's dang good looking... and yet there is a distance between us - geographical is the most obvious.  We are both relatively fresh out of our marriages and frankly, I don't know that either of us knows what we want or that we are ready for any sort of relationship.  We respectively thought we were doing okay on our own; as in, without someone else.   I didn't think I wanted someone else... then I met him. 

I'm trying so very hard not to think about him so much; he has a full life with 3 active children and a business of his own (a combination of "creative communication & design" - how cool is that?), and there is a fair distance between our locations.  I do not see how he has time for a semi-long distance friendship/relationship, or if he's even interested in one. 

My son has just gotten up from his nap and joined me on the couch.  I look over at him, regard how precious he is, and wonder why I cannot be content with what I have?  Maybe it's because this man stirred something in me... a passion that I have not experienced in a long while.  A level of connectivity I have not experienced in an even longer while.

This is ridiculous.  Absurd.  I find myself on the verge of tears, struggling to find the balance between hope and contentment.  I wanted Jesus to be my love...  maybe because I thought it would be easier than the risk of being vulnerable and ultimately shot down again and I am second-guessing His sufficiency.  I barely know this man... and yet in the short time we've communicated, I find myself anticipating our next contact.

There is a chance he will read this... that makes me very nervous and anxious.  How can I tell him I am interested without making him feel smothered? Pressured? Oh.  Just tell him? I suck at that.

Slow Learner

I should know by now - speculating only leads to trouble.  I think it's the enemy's primary tactic for tripping me up.  He takes one tidbit of information, blows it completely out of proportion and before I know it, I'm in a tailspin, convinced I'm not worthy, not up to snuff, oh-so-replaceable, second best - well, you probably get the picture.

It is dangerous to base decisions or even attitudes on one minute piece of data.  And yet, I do.  There have been a couple times (okay, more than just a couple) I have thought I was "safe" in a situation only to have it totally blow up in my face.  Ouch.  Yeah.  So, I tend to follow the mantra 'prepare for the worst, hope for the best.'  It doesn't always work.  Sometimes all I seem to get is the worst and the best seems to pass me by.

Yeah, I know, sometimes I write rather cryptically.  You probably have no clue where this is coming from or where it's going.  Just remember, it's my blog, my outlet, my catharsis.  Look at is as a game; maybe you can figure it out.  Maybe you can figure me out!  If you do, please feel free to clue me in!

Hope Revisited

In my relationship as a believer, if there is one thing I've learned (oh, how I hope there is more than one!), it is to not put God in a box.  Placing limitations on ourselves is one thing but God?  Don't even go there!  How can you possibly put boundaries on the Almighty Creator?  You cannot!  Be ever-so-grateful, as am I - He is so much bigger than any circumstance or border we try to erect.

After my husband left me a little over a year ago, I pretty much declared then and there I was done with relationships, marriage, growing old with someone, blah, blah, blah.  I don't brag on myself much; I know I'm pretty good at somethings but to me, being a wife isn't included in them.  I knew, however, that was my decision, knowing full well God may have other plans.  You know, that's one really cool thing about Him - He's GOT plans!  Can I get an "Amen"?!  I knew better than to place that restriction on what He could accomplish. 

So, you may be speculating where I'm going with this.  My thoughts may be completely premature (wouldn't be the first time) but there is a "someone" out there and if nothing ever comes of it, this has:  God has renewed my hope.  That's all.  I have hope because I have God.  Do you?

Hold On

When I see people I love struggle in areas common to my life experiences, I cannot help but ache for them.  Pain and heartache is not something I want to share with those I care for.  And so, today, I send out a prayer for hurting families... families torn apart by deception, misguidance, loss of focus, vows, and purpose.  May God reign victorious and the enemy know nothing but defeat.  Be it known in our hearts and minds, the ever-powerful word of God:

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places.  (Ephesians 6:12 NAS) 

 

Let these promises of God be an encouragement and source of strength to you this day, my friend.  The enemy seeks to destroy - do not give him a foothold.  He wants nothing more than to create a chasm of separation not only from those close to us here on Earth, but even more so, to separate us from Him who can heal any hurt.  Hold on tight to your Saving Grace, the one and only true God who wants you to know His power, strength, and forgiveness.  Reach out for Him, for He is reaching for you.

Short and Sweet

There is such sweet hope in the Lord.  How do people travel their journeys without Him?  I sit here listening to the tender lyrics of Brandon Heath, singing of "staying close to Him, you people with your broken hearts, holding tight, moving toward the Light" and I am so humbly grateful that He is my Father, my Savior, my Love.  I could not do this thing called Life without Him.  Look Him up, get to know Him - He is worth every effort.  HE will not let you down.  He is what makes every moment worthwhile. 

Really? June Already?

Inspiration comes in many forms and from many directions.  Today I am inspired by blue skies, hearing my children's laughter outside, and a peaceful contentment.  Since Spring came stealthily disguised as Winter, the blue skies are a welcome sight.  The fact Ben & Elizabeth are giggling like mad may mean they are having too much fun doing something I'll end up paying for later.  But the sound of their merriment is worth it.   And the peaceful contentment?  I've learned not to ask Why? when a good thing comes my way, but simply to enjoy it, lavishly roll in and treasure it.  Such is this day.

I feel my writing is a bit rusty.  If there were a writer's oil can handy, I think I'd have to oil my joints and lubricate the recesses of my brain!  Not unlike my relationship with my Lord, the trials are what tend to draw us near and for me, prompt my pen.  Perhaps that means my trials have been less severe of late; oh, praise!  That's cause for celebration!

As I have been absent for some time from blogging, how about a quick update? 

I've mentioned before I've been a little bummed that my children seem unappreciative of my culinary skills.  So that my abilities in the kitchen don't suffer from lack of use, I have volunteered to bake treats and goodies for our local volunteer fire department.  They meet weekly and I use that opportunity to share something yummy.  I've always firmly believed in using family and friends as guinea pigs for sampling new recipes and now I have a new audience!  And, it allows me the opportunity to give to those who are giving their time and service for the safety and betterment of our community.

Being a member of our three person school board kept me busy with extra meetings during the early months of the year.  We were conducting a search for a new Superintendent/Principal following the announcement of the retirement of our current one.  It was a tremendous responsibility and I am hopeful in our choice and grateful the process is complete!

Big Creek is also on the verge of welcoming a new pastor to our community church.  Pastor Roger Siegrist and his wife, Elizabeth, will be relocating from Pennsylvania later this year along with their two young children.  It's exciting to anticipate the growth and change God has planned for the residents of Big Creek.  I sincerely pray we are willing servants, answering whatever call He places on us.

My days have not altered significantly; I am still seemingly at the beck and call of Benjamin and Elizabeth!  Ben graduated from preschool a couple weeks ago and is eager to begin Kindergarten in the Fall, when Elizabeth will enter preschool.  With Summer ahead, we will be busy with swim lessons, a camping trip or two in our old-but-new-to-us pop-up trailer, as well as a jaunt to the coast and a Shaver Lake horseback ride with the kids.  I may check into karate for them, too, to help work off some of their immeasurable energy! 

I have about a zillion DIY projects in mind:  a bean-bag toss gameboard  (yeah!  I'll finally get to use my jigsaw!) and handpainted hopscotch path for the kids and a patio made of concrete pavers and old brick are tops on my list.  The garage is in desperate need of cleaning, purging, and organizing.  If only the weather would cooperate, I could empty the space and start fresh with new shelving and bins. 

A spiffy new firewood storage shelter is slated to be constructed, which will eliminate the irritating tarps that were constantly needing management through the cold winter months.  Ugh.  I will NOT miss wrangling those darn things!

These are just a sampling of summer activities I have in mind.  I always seem to have a 'to do' list as long as my arm; of course, once something is crossed off, there is another task to replace it.  I'd like to finish painting the rooms in the house, design and create my Italian corridor, train for another half (or full) marathon, reconstruct the lawn Charley has had his way with, wax the Montero (nah, cross that one off - I hate waxing a car), buy a chain saw and cut some wood... ah, the list is indeed endless!  I like being busy, creative, productive.  Maybe I'll even have some time and opportunity to develop some friendships, catch a show at Roger Rocka's, savor a meal I haven't had to cook or clean up with a nice someone, and spend an evening or two enjoying a glass of wine outside by a fire in the chiminea.  Because, really, you can't beat the clear night sky awash with crystalline stars here in Big Creek.