If there is one thing that gets me in a cathartic-writing mood, it's intense emotions. Steams a'blowin' - gotta write.
It's December 17th, eight days from Christmas. The assumption may be 'the season of believing' pertains to Santa Claus, or hopefully, the birth of Jesus. Not so. Not this time.
Every parent wants to believe in their child. Every parent wants to believe their child. There is a difference; the first implies believing in the child's ability to succeed, to achieve, to attain their goals. The second is having confidence in their child - that their child is faithful, sincere, true, honest. Honest. That they're telling the truth when it really matters. Ah, the meat of the matter. Can you believe they are telling the truth?
My son had a difficult school year last year. He often came home from school upset because he felt he was being picked on - bullied is the common catch phrase. It happened a lot. I know kids can
embellish stories - mine included - and there was always a bit of
skepticism on my part - how much of what he was telling me was spot on and how much
was....not? On one side, I wanted him to toughen up. On the other, "momma bear" protective instincts kicked in and I wanted to wring the little brats' necks.
The new school year came and a new combination class with it - different person(alitie)s to deal with. The "Be a Buddy,
not a Bully" poster showed up at the end of the hallway and
being a Character Counts school promotes positive, idealistic traits. Things had been going relatively smoothly until recently. I would occasionally hear about so-and-so saying or doing this or that; nothing was serious enough to catch my attention until this week. The report was a couple of boys tried to trip my son. When one succeeded and my son said he hit his head on the concrete and his teacher sent him to the office to make sure he was okay - well, that caught my attention. The further accounting included additional physical contact. Clearly, that's not okay.
I repeatedly asked to confirm the story. Did he provoke any of this? Was he sure about all this? I'll go to bat for my kids any day of the week - but I also want to make sure I'm doing so legitimately. He assured me it was all true. And as his mother, I acted in a season of believing.
Our small community and small school are great assets on many levels; you know your neighbors, you watch out for each other and their kids - something not many city-dwellers can claim - and the kids very nearly get a one-on-one education.
The flip-side, however, is your choice of friends is enormously limited, whether you're a kid or an adult. And if there is any sort of contention, your choices are drastically reduced. It can suck. And when someone you regarded a friend calls your son a liar, your world shrinks that much more.
I have loved where we live, for so many reasons. But right now, I don't like it at all. I know there is no perfection in this world - in people, in places, in practice. I do not believe the grass is greener on the other side but if there is any moment I'd like to find out, it is now.
Thursday, December 17, 2015
Monday, August 3, 2015
Peeve(d)
Other people making decisions for me has always been a pet peeve of mine.
I didn’t invite you because I figured you were busy.
I didn’t ask you to join us because I was afraid you didn’t have the money to go.
I didn’t let you know about an opportunity because you were out of town.
I wasn’t.
I did.
Ever heard of emailing a resume and phone interviews?
Okay, so here’s the scoop. Something I learned about a week ago has attached itself to my brain and won’t let go. It’s a done deal and I can’t do a darned thing about it but there are underlying issues that are poking at me relentlessly. I have been engaged in some crazy mental conversation that is getting me nowhere except bummed.
It was a job opportunity. A missed job opportunity. A great job, at the school, up the road from home, near my kids. Ideal. I’ve wanted that job for the past five years! I wouldn’t have gotten it; the person hired is the bomb. Young, innovative, savvy, efficient. She’ll be a great asset and I know it’s a good fit. So why am I so consumed with the situation?
Two things, I think, are my bother. One, I’m disappointed I’m not better qualified for such a job. Being out of this sort of position for the past 7 years hasn’t benefited me here. I was good at something - once - but not so much anymore. My office skills are stale and antiquated. I haven’t kept up. I’ve been busy trying to keep up with my two charges instead. Since, like most parents, I feel I miss the mark, I tend to question what I am good at doing. I do know I am capable of more than cleaning toilets. I am.
The second issue for me is that no one even bothered to let me know. I may be WAY out of line here, I realize that. I’m speculating, which is often dangerous. But this evil little voice is pestering me that this is how it went: Person A had a pretty good idea I would give my right arm for this job. Person B told Person A not to let me know about it, because Person B already knew who they wanted in the position. If I should ask, say I wasn't here anyway. Person B gets what Person B wants. Again.
I feel like I was deliberately kept in the dark. No one had the right to deny me this opportunity. I had just as much right to apply as the next person. If I should ever find out that Person A made a conscious decision to withhold this information, I’m going to be very hurt.
I didn’t invite you because I figured you were busy.
I didn’t ask you to join us because I was afraid you didn’t have the money to go.
I didn’t let you know about an opportunity because you were out of town.
I wasn’t.
I did.
Ever heard of emailing a resume and phone interviews?
Okay, so here’s the scoop. Something I learned about a week ago has attached itself to my brain and won’t let go. It’s a done deal and I can’t do a darned thing about it but there are underlying issues that are poking at me relentlessly. I have been engaged in some crazy mental conversation that is getting me nowhere except bummed.
It was a job opportunity. A missed job opportunity. A great job, at the school, up the road from home, near my kids. Ideal. I’ve wanted that job for the past five years! I wouldn’t have gotten it; the person hired is the bomb. Young, innovative, savvy, efficient. She’ll be a great asset and I know it’s a good fit. So why am I so consumed with the situation?
Two things, I think, are my bother. One, I’m disappointed I’m not better qualified for such a job. Being out of this sort of position for the past 7 years hasn’t benefited me here. I was good at something - once - but not so much anymore. My office skills are stale and antiquated. I haven’t kept up. I’ve been busy trying to keep up with my two charges instead. Since, like most parents, I feel I miss the mark, I tend to question what I am good at doing. I do know I am capable of more than cleaning toilets. I am.
The second issue for me is that no one even bothered to let me know. I may be WAY out of line here, I realize that. I’m speculating, which is often dangerous. But this evil little voice is pestering me that this is how it went: Person A had a pretty good idea I would give my right arm for this job. Person B told Person A not to let me know about it, because Person B already knew who they wanted in the position. If I should ask, say I wasn't here anyway. Person B gets what Person B wants. Again.
I feel like I was deliberately kept in the dark. No one had the right to deny me this opportunity. I had just as much right to apply as the next person. If I should ever find out that Person A made a conscious decision to withhold this information, I’m going to be very hurt.
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