Sobbing for Mom

I went for a run this morning.  I was expecting my typical run, 5 miles long, waving to cars and trucks as they speed by.  I do that for two reasons:  one, so they know I know they're there and two, just to be friendly.  But it wasn't typical this time.

I could hear a vehicle come up behind me.  I try to be very aware of traffic, and I was aware this one was slowing.  It's always nice when I see someone I know and they slow enough to say Hello!  This time, however, it wasn't just a Hello.  It became the delivery of some jolting news:  A long-time resident and many-decade retired teacher from our school had gone home to her Savior last night.  I know her son and have met one of her four daughters.  My tearful and shocked response was something like, "I know we all have our last day but some folks you just expect to live forever."  Barbara was one of those ladies...

He drove on and I tried to continue my run.  I found myself praying for this family and their loss.  I don't know if you can relate, unless you, too, have lost someone as dear as a parent.  I have.  I thought about her son; my last conversation with him was about his mom.  Is he at peace with her passing?  Was he with her when she took her last breath?  Was anyone with her?  Please, God, I pray, that someone was with her.  I pray she was ushered to the presence of the Lord, from this life to eternity, with loved ones by her side.

I sobbed.  I sobbed for my own mom, gone now nearly 19 years.  Like yesterday.  I thought about my precious friends who still have the blessing of the presence of their parents.   Call them! I pleaded silently.  Don't let the sun set this day without calling them and telling them "I love you."  What I wouldn't give to tell Mom face to face...

I ran bleary-eyed to the halfway point.  I did my stretch routine.  I started to run back up the road but only got a few yards before taking the grade.  I ended up just walking.  And thinking,  And sobbing.... for my mom. 

99 No's

I've always had a thing about someone telling me what to do; it usually makes me dig my heels in and stubbornly resist.  Of course there are times it is perfectly legitimate and I am more than willing to go with the flow and comply.  What I'm referring to are those times someone thinks they know what is best for me, without really knowing me. 

Take for instance a man I recently met.  Within a few conversations over the course of only a few days, he made statements for me; he countered much of what I had to say (and then wondered why I had so little to say!); and presumed to know what I was thinking, why I was thinking it, and what I needed to do about it.  The unnerving part was how accurate some of his insights were; the annoying part was how presumptuous he was about it all!

I met him for a casual outing because I was intrigued.  And hopeful, as I have been so many times in the past few years.  I was hoping for some chemistry but it wasn't there - at all.   Analyzing myself has been something I've done for years, but to sit across from someone I barely know who felt it acceptable to dissect my life was just too much.

They say it takes 99 no's to get to the one yes; I should be getting close.

I Never Knew...

I never knew just how good a purge episode could feel!  I mean, I've heard how good it could feel... others have said how good it could feel... but never have I experienced such a positive purge moment like today! 

Okay, well, that could be a slight exaggeration but still, the point is this:  There is power in the purge!

Very recently I resigned an employment post.  Initially, I felt like I was sporting the word FAILURE boldly emblazoned across my forehead, not unlike the unfortunate soul in The Scarlet Letter.  Time passes and God's truth kicks in:  I'm not a failure.  That particular position and I were simply a misfit.  I gave it a try and I did not do well.   I could come up with any number of reasons why that was the case, but long story short, the duties and responsibilities were far beyond what I initially understood them to be and in all honesty, I had neither the time nor interest in learning them.  Realizing my limitation is not a failure, it is merely that:  A realization. 

Along with the resignation means yet another purge opportunity.  Having held this position meant inheriting files, office supplies, a computer, monitor, and printer.... in addition to my own personal office tools.   "Their" stuff occupied my desk top, space, and cabinet drawers, contributing to my natural knack of clutterdom.  No more! 

My space is once more my space.  Their 4-drawer filing cabinet, looming tall and cumbersome, is gone.  I can now see more of, rather than less of, my oak desk top because their monitor, printer, keyboard, and mouse & pad are gone.  The notes, piles of mail and filing, and conference binders are gone.  And you know something?  It feels really good.

The Power of Purge

It's been a bit of a slow start on my purge project but the good news is this:  I started. 

First place of purge was the cupboards.  I know someone who is a great baker, but unfortunately, I've come to learn some of her baked goods taste stale and it occurred to me it could be she has used expired ingredients.  I determined not to replicate that baking error, but because I also have a problem throwing food away, I have had a tendency to hold onto packaged goods past their "Use before date."  No more!  I scourged my cupboard for such items and much to my dismay, discovered more than just a handful of items that absolutely had to go!

Project Purge has begun!