Wistful Thinking

When I was a young girl, my head was never not in a book.  Like some people chain smoke, I would chain read!  No sooner had I put one book down and I would be picking up another.  I couldn't get enough!

As I grew up and "life happened," however, my disposal time to read became less and less.  Distractions piled one on top of the other and demands for my attention drew me away from something I used to love to get lost in.  Like e-mail or texting has replaced handwriting a letter, television and movies have become current avenues of escape.  Since our move last May, however, television, per se, is a thing of the past.  Our television is used solely for watching movies and after watching children's movies off and on most of the day, I find it more peaceful to turn the tube off in the evenings.  And once again, I'm rediscovering books.

For a while, I was reading books similar to the subjects I'd been entertained with through television series:  mysteries and drama.  After a time, however, I realized I really didn't benefit from the hopelessness of violence, despair, darkness and tragedy.  It was an escape, sure, but not necessarily a healthy one!  I am easily offended at coarse language, the nonchalant approach toward sexual immorality, and the tolerant attitude of sinful behavior.  I was hesitant at first to read Christian fiction; after all, although it would be tame enough for my beliefs, but would it be spicy enough to keep my attention?  I stumbled on a popular and successful author, Karen Kingsbury, and I'm finding the answer to be "yes."  She handles the reality of life's choices - good and bad - with a tenderness and sensitivity, and the best part of all, she illustrates how God is in the midst of both the ups and downs - just like real life.  

Admittedly, the love stories - rampant in her "Redemption" series - have me thinking wistfully.  I remind myself I'm not reading non-fiction but pretend stories.  And yet... I find myself wondering, wishing, wanting to experience the kind of friendship and love many of the characters find.  And that is most often the order of their relationships:  Friendship first and then love.  I'm not sure I've ever had that.

What would it be like for your best friend to be your spouse, and your spouse to be your best friend?  Oh, Father in Heaven, is it possible?  You made man and woman so very different.  Is it truly possible to connect and complement each other in the ways depicted in fictional love stories?   Every once in a while, I meet a couple that have been able to weather their life's storms and celebrate decades of marriage.  Reality for me is that will most likely never be reality for me.  It makes me view these people in awe and wonder for their steadfastness, and makes me mourn all the more my losses. 

I confess in these days I contemplate remaining unmarried the remainder of my days; after all, twice divorced is a pretty lousy track record.  And yet, I cannot deny I have a yearning to experience a love story like those I read about.  All I can do is lay this before the Lord.  He knows what my future holds and I trust Him.  I have to.