I had a little extra quiet time this morning sitting in my front room, before the kids got up. As is usually the case, my mind tends to flit from one topic to another, often covering a vast amount of territory. Of course, the more time I have, the farther my mind wanders to past conversations, situations, emotions... people. This morning, I found my thoughts settling on two people, my mom and RJ.
As my eyes traveled around my front room, full of materials for home decorating projects, I wondered what Mom would think of our home, our cozy living space. I think she would have felt very comfortable here. Although not always, most usually, she not only approved of my decorating choices, she enjoyed them as much as I did. She may not have understood my eclectic collection of "things," but I think she liked them... maybe simply because I liked them. She was good for my self-esteem; she encouraged me and supported me. I miss her and how she could build me up. I have been missing it for nearly 17 years.
Then there is RJ. Our friendship barely got going before it was over. These are the conversations I recall, the discovery of common interests, challenges, life stories and experiences. The attraction - physical as well as emotional, spiritual, mental. But if there is one thing I've had to learn is true is the only person - or mind - you can change is your own. Despite what I believe was a genuine and wonderful connection, if both individuals cannot for whatever reason be on the same page (or in the same town), then rather than grieve what is lost, I should count my blessings for the brief time we were in contact and try to stop counting the days since we parted... 17.
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