Know Your Place

There is a heirarchical order to most relationships, but when someone on a lower rung of the ladder misappropriately self-appoints themself to a higher position, friction may very likely ensue.  As a wife to a husband, a child to parent, an employee to a supervisor, a student to a teacher - these are easily recognizable relationships that demand a certain respect from the "subordinate" to the "superior."  It is no less applicable in the relationship between a child and the Father; when the child supposes his/her intelligence, experience or solution rank in excess of the One who created them, they will be given the opportunity to stumble and learn.  Although our Heavenly Father will always know the better - nay, the BEST - path to travel, we parents on Earth often struggle to know precisely what those in our stewardship will profit from most.  I find myself in such a place.

Mind your own plate.  Know your place.  Who's the boss?   Of late, I have been engaged in a power struggle with my nearly-6 year old son.  My heart aches, absolutely aches, at our battles.  I fear I am failing him.  He is with me the majority of the time, so surely, I think, it is my fault for his angst.  For his defensive attitude, for his accusation that I don't like him or think he is stupid.  I love this child with all my heart and more.  How could we have gotten to this confused place in our parent/child relationship?

I see it nearly daily in our home.  It has made our home at times a place of dissension, of hurtful words, biting remarks, and poison-filled sideways glances aimed in my direction.  But today, this day - his wounding words were launched in the classroom.  As I sat in the seat of responsibility and authority of Mommy Helper, my precious child spoke to me with disrespect and disobedience.  I was hurt and deeply saddened, to say the least.

He begged me to stay with him through their recess; why, for Heaven's sake, I do not know!  I even asked him why? when he had just been so mean to me?  But I stayed, and for the entire time, he clung to me and I to him.  I cried and cried.  Real tears that rolled painfully down my face.  I do not want to lose any part of my son, but most especially not his heart. 

He told me he didn't know why he was mean to me.  That's legitimate.  Sometimes we lash out at others and it is often a mystery as to why.  The saying "You always hurt the ones you love" is sadly true.  Too frequently, those in closest physical proximity receive the brunt of our emotional outbursts, regardless of whether or not they were the ones who prompted such a reaction.

All this to say, my heart was hurt deeply today but my son is my son and I love him crazy a lot.  What I desire more than anything is not to find his sensitive spot so I can use it as a bargaining tool in my favor, but rather, to find that area of weakness so I can encourage him to grow strong and persevere in the most healthy way possible.  I need him to know I'm not an enemy; I'm 100% PLUS on his side, in his corner, behind him all the way.  I need him to know my place is forever as his Mom.