You've probably heard the saying "a square peg in a round hole." Have you ever felt like one? You know, that feeling that you just don't quite fit in - anywhere! You're too old to be young, too young to be old. You prefer small groups to large, so you're simply not invited to larger functions. Their kids are different ages than yours, so there are fewer opportunities to be in the same place at the same time. Or they're married, and you're not. Other friendships appear stronger so you often feel like the proverbial third wheel. They refer to or retell exclusive outings, not with the purposeful intention, I think, to hurt... but it still stings.
Lately, this is how I've been feeling: I just don't seem to belong, to fit in. There was a time in my life I was accepting of being alone but as I've gotten older and divorced (again), it's not so acceptable. Alone has become lonely.
I haven't been able to connect with any gentlemen on the singles site. What am I lacking? Is it because I am older with two young children? Many of them just want to have fun and travel; well, that leaves me out.
I have two friends I am close to, but the two of them seem closer. It's pretty clear when the three of us are together, they spend much more time together. Hey, what about me?
No, I can't do all they can and do, nor do I want to. And yet, despite it being my choice to abstain from doing more, I still feel like I'm living on the periphery.
I crave conversation, companionship, camaraderie with someone other than my children, my dog or my cat. I want to feel valued and important. I want to help someone else feel the same.
My cognitive abilities are not clouded by a glass of wine and I'm not hormonal. Maybe my perception is errantly skewed. Or maybe it is the holiday season, which is often to blame for blue moods. I could probably point an accusatory finger at any of a number of "maybe's." And perhaps if I could pinpoint the culprit causing my despondency, I could do something about it. Until then, I'm feeling like that square peg in a round hole.
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