Okay, so here's the scoop: I met someone. I like him. I'd like to know him better. He's intelligent, we share some common interests, he intrigues me, he's dang good looking... and yet there is a distance between us - geographical is the most obvious. We are both relatively fresh out of our marriages and frankly, I don't know that either of us knows what we want or that we are ready for any sort of relationship. We respectively thought we were doing okay on our own; as in, without someone else. I didn't think I wanted someone else... then I met him.
I'm trying so very hard not to think about him so much; he has a full life with 3 active children and a business of his own (a combination of "creative communication & design" - how cool is that?), and there is a fair distance between our locations. I do not see how he has time for a semi-long distance friendship/relationship, or if he's even interested in one.
My son has just gotten up from his nap and joined me on the couch. I look over at him, regard how precious he is, and wonder why I cannot be content with what I have? Maybe it's because this man stirred something in me... a passion that I have not experienced in a long while. A level of connectivity I have not experienced in an even longer while.
This is ridiculous. Absurd. I find myself on the verge of tears, struggling to find the balance between hope and contentment. I wanted Jesus to be my love... maybe because I thought it would be easier than the risk of being vulnerable and ultimately shot down again and I am second-guessing His sufficiency. I barely know this man... and yet in the short time we've communicated, I find myself anticipating our next contact.
There is a chance he will read this... that makes me very nervous and anxious. How can I tell him I am interested without making him feel smothered? Pressured? Oh. Just tell him? I suck at that.
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