This past weekend I had the joy of seeing faces I'd not seen in a while. Unfortunately, it was also a time of bittersweet encounters, as many were unaware of what has been taking place in our family over the past 5 months. I want to take this opportunity to provide a synoptic glance back to March 13.
It's really rather simple. Are you familiar with the contentious woman in Proverbs 21:19? If not, let me share with you: It is better to live in a desert land than with a contentious and vexing woman.
I was that woman. I was progressively disrespectful to my husband. He had enough one night (March 13) and left for the desert. He never came back. I was told to find another place to live so the kids and I moved to another home in Big Creek on May 1. I very much wanted to stay in this community for several reasons: I have hoped for reconciliation, the kids continue to be near their dad, it's still a wonderful place to raise the kids, and when I return to work, I hope to return to work at SCE.
We saw a counselor - separately. I have confessed my sins, both to my husband and God, and asked for forgiveness. I received it from the latter but not the former. My husband believes I am responsible for putting our family in this position.
That, really, is it in a nutshell, at least from my perspective. I will say this is a most painful growing season and never, EVER what I wanted - for my marriage or my children. Many people know I have a strong, independent personality. Through counseling and hindsight, I could see I tried to bully my passive husband to be stronger and take a stand as the leader of our household. Clearly and undeniably, my tactics were wrong, un-Biblical, and painful attacks on my husband's ego. Two things grieve me to no end: one, that I could wound so deeply the man I love and two, the stand he finally has taken is for the dissolution of our marriage.
I believe God is still sovereign and still on the throne. I believe He is still in the business of miracles. I believe He has forgiven me. I believe He is the eternal lover of my soul. I believe He will continue to provide, care for, guide, love, and protect me and my children. I'm counting on it.
Sorry that you are going through this Tamara. You never know what is around the next corner. I've been told that God does not give us more than we can handle, and even though there has been times in my life when I doubted that, it has proven to be true. YOU are going to be okay.
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