Ben and Elizabeth were at their dad's house this weekend. It's usually an odd time for me; I so very much need a break from the 24/7 demands of two little ones... but then feel guilty for desiring such alone time. After all, when you become a parent, you essentially forfeit the rights to privacy, quiet, solitude, and self. I didn't know that before they came along... did you know that before your first child? Anyway, unless I fill my time with projects, I tend to wander aimlessly and fritter my time away without my children directing me here and there.
As a separated parent, I also have to forfeit special events with my kids. After a week of VBS (Vacation Bible School), I chose not to go to the final event Friday evening, a potluck BBQ where all could enjoy fellowship together and give their best attempt at the Bible Boot Camp obstacle course. I sat at home instead and hoped my kids and their dad were having a good time. Yes, he took them and for that willingness on his part, I am grateful.
Saturday there were not one, but two, children's birthday parties to attend. I bowed out of those, too. Some may wonder why but the answer is simple: It was my husband's time with his children and I believed it best to give them that. Again, he took them to the parties and they were still able to participate and have fun... without Mom. It is difficult missing out on family time but then, our family has been redefined.
Although attending church solo this morning was admittedly less stressful (almost 4 and 2+ year olds don't sit still well), I'd rather have had them there. I want them to hear about Jesus, whether their little minds fully comprehend or not. I want them to know Him, His grace, mercy, love, compassion, and will for their lives. I know it is sinking in; the other day I caught Ben and Elizabeth holding hands at the table. I figured they were playing around, as they often do. Nope. They were holding hands to pray. Holding hands to pray. My almost 4 and 2+ year old, praying. Ben prayed, as only a child could, "Dear Jesus, thank you for this lovely day. Thank you for Mrs. Carroll coming to help us. Amen." It made my heart leap with joy.
But they are home now and things seem more "normal." I use that word loosely - what, after all, is normal? I guess it is what we make it and it will vary tremendously depending on who you are asking. They are bickering... they are playing... they are chasing each other through the house... they have already backtalked, sassed, argued with me and told me 'no.' They have whined for their dad and given me "the look." Then Elizabeth trudges down the stairs just now, asking me to "open her bowl, please," and "thank you" when I do. She tells me, "I am happy to be in your house." I say, "I love you," and she says, "I love you" back to me. Yes, things are back to normal.
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